THE TROUBLE WITH TEQUILA
by Ballyuk
Summary: Clark is miserable because Lana is in a coma while Lois is getting nowhere researching into Lex's activities. Here's what happened when Clark and Lois went out for a few drinks at the end of 7x18 (Apocalypse).
1. Why don't I buy you a brew?

**Author's Note: I do not own the characters.**

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 **THE TROUBLE WITH TEQUILA.**

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 **Why don't I buy you a brew?**

The clicks of the mouse and the tap-tap-tapping of keys echoed around the almost empty bullpen. It was approaching 8:30 in the evening and save for the occasional intern popping in and out to run errands, everybody else had finished for the day. Clark Kent had the place all to himself and it was just as well since his glum mood would be an instant buzzkill for anyone looking for conversation.

Clark had been browsing the internet and the Daily Planet's database for almost an hour now, and couldn't help the feeling of hopelessness washing over him after a long and fruitless search to find an answer for Lana's condition. She remained in hospital in a coma and the doctors had run a whole battery of tests to try and establish what the problem was. The problem of course was that Brainiac had infected her and Clark couldn't tell the doctors that, but Lana would receive medical treatment to try and stabilise and manage her condition. They'd placed her in an induced coma after the tests showed that the pain receptors in her brain were still extremely active which suggested that she was physically in a lot of pain, but she was incapable of showing it. She was still able to breathe unaided. He wondered how long she could hold out before her brain gave up.

As he continued to absent-mindedly browse for information on the problem without a solution, his thoughts returned to Brainiac. A doubt lingered in the back of his mind as to whether he'd really rid himself and the world of the machinations of the Brain Interactive Construct. Sure, he and Kara had managed to fend him off back on Krypton, but that was only by going back in time to when the planet was about to be destroyed, and when the baby Kal-el was to be sent to Earth to escape the devastation. They had to ensure that Kal-el made the trip otherwise Clark would cease to exist in the present day. Clark knew that Brainiac was capable of going to any moment in time so even if he was erased in one past, he could still show up elsewhere to wreak havoc.

He felt that he hadn't seen the last of Brainiac, and in a weird way he wished the machine would show up so that he could be dealt with finally. Getting rid of Brainiac in the present might be the only way to restore Lana. There was a light on the bleak horizon in the form of Kara. Clark's older-yet-younger cousin was still impetuous but two heads were better than one. He was pleased to have Kara back at the farm because not only did it take the loneliness out of the place, but they could use one another as a sounding board for all matters Kryptonian.

Yes, the Brainiac issue still needed to be resolved, and Clark's trip to an alternate universe where he didn't exist only confirmed the Kryptonian computer program's threat to the world. Brainiac was there in the guise of Milton Fine, and was the top aide to the President Lex Luthor - in itself a shock to the system - and the one really pulling the strings in the background. It was his scheming that gave Lex the belief that nuclear Armageddon was the right thing for the future of mankind. The man who'd developed a taste for power and control was little more than a puppet President.

But what to do about Lana? Their relationship had seen its fair share of peaks and troughs over the years, and despite the fact they were living together at the farm, it had not enabled them to iron out their differences and move forward together. Their relationship had been in stasis long before Lana wound up in her current predicament. Be that as it may, it still hurt him that he might lose the girl he loved more than any other. Somehow, the ills of the world around him all had their origins in the arrival of a baby Kryptonian in a meteor shower 18 years ago.

A familiar presence stepping into the doorway of the bullpen broke his concentration. Light blue shirt with sleeves rolled up to the elbow. Black pants. Brown hair. Tall, brash, loud and with an effortless ability to annoy the hell out of him when the mood took her. And he was sitting at her desk.

"This is a new side to Clark Kent - mild mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper," said Lois as she leaned against the doorframe. The words could easily be taken as part of her usual teasing banter but her tone was altogether softer and friendlier, as though she was surprised to see him but didn't mind at all that he was there.

Clark went for a cautious reply, hoping to convey that while he was in no mood for jokes or chitchat, he wasn't going to let her ride roughshod over him - something else she was effortlessly capable of doing - by decrying his current glumness as yet another pity party. It needed the subtlest hint of snark, but not so much as to suggest he didn't welcome her presence. After all, she hadn't actually done anything wrong.

"Don't worry Lois, I'm not after your job. Just borrowing the Planet's database," he replied, before laying on the puppy dog eyes which were always effective in mellowing any recipient, even the notoriously caustic Lois Lane. "Jimmy set me up here. I hope it's OK."

He thought about the Lois he'd met in the alternate universe. In many ways, she was the biggest surprise of that impromptu trip. Though he didn't get to meet his parents, he was heartened to learn that his father was still alive. He'd really hoped to see him again but as he was really a stranger in the Kent household and beginning to alarm their young teenage son 'Clark Kent', he felt it best to leave them be. He'd met Chloe too, though she didn't know who he was. She was engaged and soon to be married. He was pleased to see a happy Chloe unburdened with the need to help him protect his secret. Clark learned that Lana was alive and well, married to and living in Paris with a philanthropist named Pierre Rousseau, and that they had two children. This came as a massive relief. Everybody who knew his secret in the real world all seemed to be happier and better off in the alternate universe for not knowing him or his secret. A blessing in disguise.

Not that it was all positive. Lex being the President of the United States with Milton Fine pulling the strings had thrown him for a loop, as had the presence of Kara under the name of Linda Danvers, masquerading as the head of the Department of Domestic Security (DDS). Once he eventually got through to Kara and convinced her that he was also Kryptonian, they tried to stop the nuclear launch only to be shot with kryptonite bullets. Milton Fine knowing about and being able to recognise and target Kryptonian weaknesses had put them in that situation, and it was only Jor-el extracting Clark and bringing him back into the real world that saved his life.

Yet for all that, it was his verbal sparring buddy who'd left the biggest impression. Lois was already a Pulitzer prize-winning reporter and had the familiar get-up-and-go personality but there was a total absence of the snarkiness and teasing that she usually reserved for 'Smallville'. It had been replaced by what he could only describe as love-struck. She'd clearly been bowled over and swept off her feet by him - literally in both cases - and though he'd always deny it if the subject came up, he found it adorable. He'd actually made her swoon! Why couldn't Lois be a little more like that?

"Hey, mi desktop es su desktop."

Snapping back to the present, Clark didn't even know if that was grammatically correct Spanish but he wasn't going to quibble. There was genuine warmth in her eyes as she stepped over, plopping the file she'd been carrying onto the desk and standing behind Clark, leaning over the chair as she asked him what he was looking up. Spotting the brain scan images and a link to a coma information source, she could only utter a sympathetic "Oh" as she stood back up.

"I'm no expert but I'm sure there's someone out there who can help Lana," Clark explained as he carried on reading the page.

Lois wasn't sure how to respond in this situation. Clark was obviously hurting over what had happened to Lana. Though she didn't fully know the details of how it had happened, the fact that so many specialists were baffled about what the problem was indicated that it wasn't just a coma - there was a very serious yet unknown underlying cause. Lois hadn't spoken to Lana for quite some time now, ever since she'd been kicked through the door of the editor's office by the usually soft-spoken brunette. Lois was still less than happy about that little episode but in the interim, there had been an awful lot to keep her occupied. Indeed, she'd even been shot by one of Lex's fembots while investigating the death of Lionel Luthor. She didn't wish ill on Lana in spite of their run-in in her editor's office and she hoped the doctors would find something to help Lana recover. Once Lana and Lex had become close, Lois and Lana had hardly spoken so it was unlikely the two would ever revert back to the sort-of friendship they'd once had.

She sensed Clark's mood as weary and beaten down, and it bothered her. Normally, she'd be all up in his grill whenever she saw him all mopey and brooding but there was something different about this occasion. It wasn't advice or a kick up the backside he needed, more an arm around the shoulder. Chuckling lightly, she proceeded to sit on the edge of her desk and try to summon up something - _anything_ \- that might provide a crumb of comfort. Maybe being honest about her own inability to be that friendly ear was the best way to lead in.

"You know, with all my years of watching _Dr Phil_ , you'd think I could come up with the perfect thing to say but, uh, I'm drawing a blank." The words didn't come out quite as she'd intended and she felt her throat getting dry as she scrambled to add something meaningful. She cleared her throat.

"I don't do well with sad," she finally added, turning to face Clark.

Clark, who'd been closing the browser after yet another fruitless attempt to find something new, slowly got up head bowed and switched the computer off.

"Don't beat yourself up over it Lois. It's OK." His voice was flat and barely above a whisper.

The words were familiar to her but the manner of the delivery wasn't. In that moment, Lois recognised how lonely Clark must be feeling at the farm. Lana was in hospital, Kara had left again, and Mrs Kent was now living in Washington. How empty must that old farmhouse feel with nobody else there, surrounded by acres of farm land? The house was perfect for a small family making the usual commotion as they went about their day, so to be almost empty must really make the silence echo around the walls to a deafening degree. Clark didn't need the barn loft as his own personal space because the entire farm was fulfilling that role at the moment. She felt he needed somebody close to hear him out and tell him things would be alright, and she resolved to be that person just as he'd been for her following her break-up with Oliver.

"No it's not!" she uttered with a vehemence that surprised them both, resulting in them looking each other in the eye as she continued. "Smallville, you were there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on, and I am blowing this big time. Look, I...I just…wish I could make everything alright."

The affection in her eyes hadn't gone unnoticed as Clark had sensed the difference in her demeanour strikingly at odds with what he would have expected. In a weird way, it reminded him of his mother. The voice was soft-spoken and heartfelt even if she was making a point of telling him he ought to listen to her. He was warmed by the depth of feeling. His own frown softened to match Lois as the faintest hint of a smile traced his lips.

"You're a good friend Lois."

He absolutely meant it. No jokes, no banter, no snarkiness, just the honest truth.

There then followed a moment of awkwardness as they continued to look each other in the eye. Each realised the moment for its awkwardness and looked for a way out that continued to show gratitude. Clark widened his smile ever so slightly before returning to something resembling his earlier frown as Lois alternated between looking him in the eye and looking away, as though searching for the next beat. She settled on getting back to normal and softly punched him on the shoulder.

"Hey, you know what, why don't we…uh…go drown our sorrows," Lois began to suggest, linking her hands together and tip-toeing up and down nervously yet hopefully. Maybe it would take his mind off the problems and worries that were clearly weighing him down. For a while at least.

Clark was caught totally unawares by that. In the alternate universe, Lois had started hitting on him and had suggested they meet up at a nearly bar later where she'd buy him a drink, before she was arrested by the DDS. Lois of all people _wanting_ to go out with him?

"Why don't I buy you a brew? You look like you could use one!" she said as she smiled.

Clark's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. It was eerily similar to what the alternate universe's Lois had said to him. For her part, Lois took his reaction to be one of surprise and felt the need to confirm that she meant it. She reached over to put an arm round his shoulder as best as she could given how much he towered over her.

"Seriously, check out your driver's licence. You're legal now."

Clark was processing this turn of events as he was led out of the bullpen and towards the elevators. Drinking wasn't something he'd ever been interested in so clubs and bars weren't placed he frequented. He came over all reticent as he answered Lois' suggestion.

"I'm not really into the whole nightlife scene."

"Well, I will have to take that as a challenge. First round is on me!" Lois assured him.

Clark sighed in resignation. Maybe he really did need to take a step back from all the matters that were occupying his time. Kara's return had lightened his burden just a little, and Lois was indeed trying to be a good friend, so what harm could it do to spend a few hours in her company and forget about his problems?


	2. Rack 'em up!

**Rack 'em up!**

By this time, Lois had released Clark and was bounding along the sidewalk at a brisk pace, causing Clark to have to lengthen his stride to keep up. They'd stepped out of the main entrance to the Daily Planet before taking a left and walking for a block and a half and crossing the street. The destination was a bar named O'Malley's. The name might have suggested the place to be an Irish theme pub but it was just a regular bar. Clark recognised it as the place where she'd offered to buy him a drink in the alternate universe. He had to blink at the eerie similarities between the two worlds.

Loud rock music could be heard from outside, briefly becoming a din every time somebody opened the door. O'Malley's was a place where Lois often liked to hang out after work because they had a great happy hour and there never seemed to be any trouble. It helped that the bar staff looked like amateur boxers. Even the waitresses looked like they could handle themselves, pretty though they were. Lois pulled the door and Clark held it open as she stepped inside.

"Smallville, you'd better leave your inner boy scout at the door because tonight, we are gonna drink our worries away."

Clark fought to make himself heard over the music as he followed Lois to the bar which was heaving with punters. The beer on tap was flowing freely and there was a wide selection of hard liquor. On the wall above the bar was a giant television screen showing a football game, and there were smaller screens dotted around showing music videos or other sports like basketball. To one side was a games area with two slot machines, three pool tables and an oche leading to a dartboard. All had a game in progress. Around the games area were a number of signed photos of Metropolis Sharks players past and present, framed shirts and other memorabilia including a 6-foot tall canvas painting of the Sharks' greatest player captured in his greatest moment - leaping for joy, eyes closed, arm in the air holding his Sharks helmet in triumph as a roar of jubilation escaped his lips - the Hail Mary in the final seconds which resulted in the touchdown that claimed the Championship game for the Sharks for the first time in over two decades. The other side of the bar had a seating area plus a staircase that led to a mezzanine level with additional seating including private booths that overlooked the main floor. Lois had never been upstairs but she was sure there was a bar up there too, probably with more exclusive drinks on offer.

"Lois, I appreciate what you're trying to do but you don't need to take me out just to make me feel better. I'd really prefer to just go home."

Lois turned to face him, reaching over his shoulder the way she had when they left the bullpen.

"Nah ah, no time for introspection. We both need to let our hair down and just have some fun. I promise, you'll gain a new perspective on life afterwards. Now, I'm gonna grab us a couple of beers and try to snag a pool table."

She nodded to the bar girl - Wendy - behind the counter who smiled in greeting. Obviously she knew Lois was a regular. Unbeknownst to Clark, she was also one of Lois' sources for updates on the activities of the higher-ups in the Mayor's office. A lot of deals were negotiated at O'Malley's, and people could be very loose-lipped when it came to the finer details. There was a reason why alcohol tended to make people lose some of their inhibitions.

"Hi Lois. Well well well, who's the handsome hunk of man over there with you? Nice work!" said Wendy as she lustily gave Clark the once over.

"Wendy, hey. _This_ is my good friend Clark Kent," Lois replied as she yanked Clark by the arm to stand closer to her. "I'm here to show him a good time and take his mind off problems at home. No room for the Goody Two Shoes act."

"Uh huh," said Wendy, obviously trying to picture Clark naked. "What can I get you both?"

Before Clark could begin to utter a protest or order something safe, Lois requested two bottled beers and asked to play on one of the pool tables when it was free. With that, Lois headed towards the games area with Clark following behind again. Moments later, Wendy brought over their beers and it was about then that the group using the table near the back finished their game.

"Alright Smallville, be a dear and rack 'em up while I visit the rest room."

Lois slinked off in the vicinity of the rest rooms as Clark watched her go. He admired her effervescence and appreciated her wanting to help him out but at the same time, he wondered how competitive she might get over a game of pool. He'd never actually played her at pool before but she was usually very competitive over everything. As a teenager, she'd once spent an afternoon at an amusement arcade clearing all the high scores on a game of Space Invaders, if Chloe was to be believed, and a simple game of Monopoly with Clark and Chloe had almost turned into a wrestling match as they quibbled over whether the dice had landed showing a 3 or a 6. He began to rack up.

While waiting for his pool buddy, Clark took a sip of his beer, grimacing at the taste. He'd never liked the stuff and made a point of avoiding it. He could consume alcohol to his heart's content with zero side effects but he still had to deal with what he considered to be the unpleasant aftertaste. Still, he was here and she was being really nice, so it was best to simply try and go with the flow.

"Ladies first!" snarked Lois upon her return, nodding to Clark to break off as she took a huge swig of her beer. She downed almost half the bottle in one go. Clark crashed the cue ball into the pack and the game was a-go.

The first game was over within a couple of minutes as Lois made light work of clearing up. Clark had potted just one ball. She was a leftie who packed a surprising amount of power, and lined up each shot like a chess grandmaster planning several moves ahead. It was clear to Clark that she'd wiled away hour after hour on a pool table at any one of the military bases where her father had been stationed, and that she'd learned a trick or two. He almost forgot he was playing as he lost himself watching her skilfully end the game. Every ball dropped clean into the middle of the pocket.

"You're really taking it out on that cue ball."

Lois looked up at him. "Yeah, I just pretend it's Lex's bald melon and take it from there."

Clark bristled at the mention of Lex. How had his friendship with Lex come to this? Lex had murdered his own father and covered up the fact, getting his minions to hide the evidence. Lionel Luthor may have been many things, but even he understood the need to be wary of Lex. He'd played his own part in bringing out Lex's darker side, and the heir to the LuthorCorp empire was becoming more and more tyrannical by the day. He'd recently bought the Daily Planet and overseen a programme of intensive - and illegal - monitoring of Daily Planet staff. People were fearful for their jobs, and Chloe had already been fired. Maybe Lois was next in the firing line. The mood at work was unpleasant as any dissenting voices were quashed without mercy.

"Lois, you need to be careful with Lex. I know how much you want to bring him down, but he's dangerous."

"Don't worry Clark, I'm going in with my eyes fully open. I know he's waiting for the opportune moment to pull the trigger. I just need to gather as much dirt on him as I can to put his activities in the spotlight."

She crashed another impeccable shot to break off, taking her anger out on the ball once more. Lex had binned several of her articles since he'd taken over as managing editor, even if they had absolutely nothing to do with him or his company. Slowly but surely, he was turning the Daily Planet into a LuthorCorp propaganda tool and he recognised Lois as somebody who'd be completely opposed to his way of doing things. He was attempting to gag the up-and-coming reporter and kill off her reputation before it built up a head of steam.

The second game was a tighter affair as Clark broke out a few impressive shots of his own, but a foul shot gave Lois the chance to clear up again. She did so with the same ruthless efficiency as in the first game, and was now 2-0 up. Clark observed with fascination her almost child-like glee with gaining victory. The girl who was so often belligerent and wilful could be incredibly cute too.

"Not that I don't mind continuing to kick your ass Clark, but what say you and I up the ante a little huh? Rack 'em up again while I get another round in," Lois ordered before heading back to Wendy at the bar.

As Clark racked up, he could see a group of men in suits casting their eye on Lois. They looked like typical ex-public schoolboys and probably worked as stockbrokers and the like, flaunting their wealth and treating women like sex objects. They must have been watching her with a little admiration of her prowess but more likely, her physical attributes. Clark could admit to himself that Lois was certainly eye-catching so he could understand that she would turn heads. Open leering was a different matter. He shook his head.

Lois returned to the table with Wendy in tow. The bar girl was carrying a tray containing ten shot glasses, each brimmed with tequila. Clark knew where this was going.

"New rules, Smallville. Each time one of us fails to sink a ball, we have to down a shot. If we foul, we have to down a double. No sipping, no cheating. I'm breaking!"

Clark's prediction was correct, but his reply made him wish he'd kept his mouth shut and merely nodded because it gave Lois an in to taunt him some more. She could be absolutely merciless when she wanted to be.

"Kinda like strip poker then."

Lois' eyes shot up as she chalked her cue. "Why Clark Kent, you've been holding out on me. Who knew the farmboy could be into such a thing?"

"Just because I've heard of it, doesn't mean I'm into it."

"Riiiight!" drawled Lois sarcastically.

Clark knew there was nothing for it but to cheat to get his own back on Lois. It would be subtle and he would make sure he also downed a few shots of tequila by missing a few shots on the table. Just a bit of extra power here and there, a little gust of super-breath to cause the ball to deviate, and a quick burst of super-speed to slow down a ball that was headed right for the bag. He wanted to see how annoyed Lois might get once she started to miss a few shots herself. After that, she'd have difficulty anyway having downed so many shots.

That is how it panned out. Lois ended up finishing most of the tray, yet was getting increasingly exasperated by her inability to make even the simplest shots on the table. Game after game saw Clark sink the black to finish the contest.

At some point during the proceedings, Lois had spotted the group of yuppie types leering at her. Experience had taught her that groups of guys ogling over a girl like a fresh piece of meat would usually bet each other to see who could get her, and they were very persistent - persistent and irritating. They would wait until any male company was nowhere near the vicinity before they moved in. Lois' first week at Met U had seen her face this situation three times. Of course, her spending so much time in bars and at frat parties increased the likelihood of all this, but she had built up a list of comebacks for anybody trying it on.

Clark had gone to the men's room so here was their opportunity. One of the guys sauntered over - the opening salvo that was always doomed to failure. Here was the wingman's wingman, a stocky fellow who was a fair bit shorter than Lois, and with a confidence born of inebriation which led him to believe he was the prize catch he really was not. Lois could tell that he spent way too much money on fake tans, hair gel and tooth whitener. He looked like a reject from a reality TV show, not that he was going to let that stop him and his small talk.

"Hi doll, me and my buddies were watching you play and I was thinking that maybe you could teach me. You know, a private lesson, show me how to chalk my cue, the best way to sink my balls, that kind of thing."

Lois grinned at him, inwardly cringing and rolling her eyes at his lame and unsubtle pick-up lines. She finished her shot of añejo to give herself time to think up the perfect retort. Then she let him have it.

"Well, Short Stack, you don't need me to show you. See, it's all in the wrists and you can practice your wrist action at home. Although, something tells me you're used to that."

The others started howling with laughter, yelling "Ooohhhh, burn!" at the way the pretty girl had shut their friend down, as he skulked his way back to the group. They would spend the next few minutes planning another strategy before someone else would step up to have a go.

Clark returned from the men's room and picked up his cue, ready to continue playing.

"Hey Smallville," Lois spoke in hushed tones so as to be out of earshot of the group, "I need you to do me a favour."

Upon his acknowledgement, she continued. "Half Pint and the guys over there are taking turns to make moves on me."

Clark didn't turn around to look at them as he knew which group she was talking about. "You want me to have a word?"

"No, I don't need you to fight my battles. I need to do something so that they won't try and chat me up."

"OK, what do you need me to do?" asked Clark.

"Stand behind me and grab my ass," ordered Lois.

If Clark had been holding his drink, he would have dropped his glass. She'd once threatened a beheading if he tried a stunt like that again, thanks to his evil doppelgänger Bizarro. Now she was practically inviting him to do it. "Excuse me?"

Lois rolled her eyes and sighed heavily, realising she'd need to labour the point. "If they think we're together, they won't be trying it on!"

"But why do I have to grab you?" asked Clark, worried all of a sudden.

"Because it will look more believable, dummy!" said Lois. As Clark stepped over to stand close behind her, she reminded him, "And remember, this is all for show. Don't be getting any funny ideas, Smallville."

With that, Lois picked up her cue and began to pretend she was having difficulty playing her next shot. Clark stood right behind her, though not close enough for her liking as she felt he wasn't selling it enough. She shuffled back and wiggled her hips, settling her ass right where Clark's hands were.

Maybe it was the drink but she couldn't help but notice how large and how warm Clark's hands were. And how nice it felt. They practically enveloped her ass cheeks whole, the heat penetrating the thin fabric of her pants as though they weren't there. Clark started to get into his role a bit more, taking Lois' cue hand and showing her the best way to hold the cue for this shot, and her other hand to show her how to create a bridge over the ball directly in front of the cue ball. These simple movements had resulted in him leaning in so his groin was touching her ass. To anyone observing, they were undoubtedly a couple.

Lois found herself closing her eyes and revelling in the sensations of Clark's touch as his hands returned to her posterior, briefly flushing before quickly snapping to her senses. Taking a glance at the yuppies, she could see they'd now lost interest and moved to another area of the bar. Her plan had worked, but at a cost. There were now feelings of jealousy that Lana was the regular beneficiary of this sort of contact. _Wait, what? This is definitely the drink talking!_

Realising Clark was still basically cupping her ass, she cleared her throat. Clark jolted back like he'd been scalded, and Lois was suddenly very aware of how cool her ass felt without Clark's hands on it. However, they'd got rid of the problem so her little plan was a success.

For the next twenty minutes, the two of them simply played pot shots to clear the table rather than get competitive. Lois had forgotten about her problems at work so this evening had turned out to be a godsend. She noticed however that Clark's face had begun to darken. His mind was definitely returning to thoughts of Lana. Spotting Wendy, she called her over to order another couple of shots of the amber nectar.

"You're doing it again," she pointed out to a distracted Clark.

"Doing what?"

"You're worrying about Lana."

"I'm not. I was just thinking."

"Look," sighed Lois. "I hope Lana pulls through so you guys can have your little church wedding and start your life with the white picket fence and all your little babies running around, but I don't think Lana's cut out to be a farmer's wife."

"What makes you so sure that's what I want?" asked Clark. Truth be told, he had often envisioned exactly the life Lois had just described but even he had doubts as to whether settling down this way was ever going to happen, or indeed whether or not it had any real long-term future.

"I just mean…I've seen your mom help out around the farm and I just can't picture Lana taking on some of those tasks. Maybe I'm painting her wrong but she's always struck me as the type who wants to expand her horizons. She went to Paris and then she went to Met U, so clearly she pictured a life away from Smallville. You should too."

Clark was curious about what Lois was trying to imply. Did she have doubts about his ability to run the farm?

"In what way?"

Wendy came over with their drinks. Downing her next shot of añejo in one, she began to explain. "Well, you have this need to help people, and you always stick up for the little guy. I don't know, if you joined the police force or became a fireman or maybe did some training to become an EMT or something, that might help to broaden your horizons and get you away from the simple farm life."

"Is that so?" Clark wondered why Lois was so concerned about his future.

"Yeah. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to want to run the farm. After all, it's been in your family for generations. I just think you could do with looking outside the box. You might like what you find. Take me for example. I was dead set against becoming a journalist but now, I can't imagine wanting to do anything else."

"I'd have to think about it."

"That's all I'm asking, Smallville. You don't have to decide right away. Look, when Lana comes back, you guys should talk it over so at least you know where you stand. If you ask me, I think Lana would be open to the idea. You never know, she might like a man in uniform!"

"Lois Lane, career counsellor huh?" smirked Clark, making Lois smile back.

"There are many strings to this bow!"

Clark looked over at menu board beside the bar. They served food upstairs. He and Lois had already finished an entire bottle of tequila between them and he was certain Lois would try and finish off another one. He found that he was enjoying her company but if he could get her to pace herself and eat something first, it would at least give him the chance to rid his mouth of the sweet yet acrid taste of the alcohol.

"Hey, are you hungry? We could get something to eat."

"You read my mind. I'm told they do a great cheeseburger here, but you have to go upstairs."


	3. Bullseye!

**Bullseye!**

Clark and Lois headed up the wooden staircase to the upper level where food was served. It was almost empty and the loud rock music didn't seem to reach up here, being mere background noise. It was a lot easier to converse up here. There was a smaller bar in the corner and a private function room behind the door on the far side, and a set of swinging doors from which waitresses kept bringing out food. She'd mentioned getting another round of shots in.

"You really should pace yourself," advised Clark, noting that Lois was starting to look a little unsteady.

"I'm fine!" she replied. "Us Lanes can handle the hard stuff. Wherever we go in the world, we make sure they know that!"

Clark smirked at her obnoxiousness and detected a very slight slurring in her speech as a waitress came over to take their order.

"Hi," Lois began. "I hear you guys do the bestest cheeseburger in all the mid-west. I would like two of them with the works. Oh, and if you do Cajun fries, I want some of them too!"

Though Lois was holding a menu card showing that her exact order was one of the specials, she hadn't noticed it. The drink was now really kicking in. Clark wasn't bothered that Lois had again ordered for him without asking, because the burger and fries sounded good to him too.

"And would you like anything to drink?"

Clark cut in and requested a couple of club sodas with ice and a slice. If they were going to drink, they should at least break it up with something alcohol free every once in a while. If for no other reason than to give their throats a chance to recover. The waitress left to place their order, telling them it would be around 15 minutes.

There was a bowl of salted peanuts on the table. Spotting them, Lois started tossing them into the air one by one, trying to catch them in her mouth. She missed every single one as they bounced off her nose, off her head or off the wall behind her. Clark took the bowl away, telling Lois that she was decorating the floor with peanuts.

The waitress soon came back with their food and drinks. The burger was held in place by a large skewer and the fries surrounded it like soldiers manning a fort. Little pots of mayonnaise and ranch dressing were placed on the table. The burger bun was more akin to a brioche loaf, and the burger contained a cheese sauce rather than sliced and melted cheese. They sat and ate, and the burgers were indeed delicious, so much so that Clark polished his off in about five big bites.

"You eat so fast, Smallville."

Clark was now polishing off his Cajun fries too. He looked up. "Farm work builds up a big appetite I guess. I like to eat."

Lois had managed about half her burger at this point, having pinched several fries from Clark's plate for whatever reason.

"Yeah, I remember when I was living with you guys. You always had extra helpings."

Clark smiled. "Mom's a great cook."

Lois nodded absent-mindedly, looking into the distance and thinking of something to say. She blurted out the first thought that came to her.

"But now you got Lana. Hey, can she cook? I've never even seen her eat."

"We take turns to cook. She's actually very good, and she can make a mean meatloaf," he replied, amused.

"Tha's nice," Lois sighed. "I can't cook for sh-"

"Lois!" Clark chided her on her language.

"Oh, stop being such a choir boy," she opined, before leaning closer. "It's true though. I once made this cake. It had blue icing and yellow candles on it. They were the only parts you could eat!"

Clark laughed out loud. Lois was talking about the birthday cake she'd made for his 19th birthday. The cake itself was a disaster - lop-sided, with too much icing, and with _way_ too much rum meaning the batter didn't actually bake. He remembered the alcohol fumes when he'd cut into it. He couldn't stomach the cake but was touched by the thoughtful gesture, having come so soon after his father's death. She was nothing if not a trier. He was broken out of his reminiscence by Lois' sudden mood swing.

"Don't matter anyway. I'm never gonna meet anybody to cook for anyhow."

She slapped her hands down onto her thighs before crossing her arms, and was now sporting the most adorable pouty lip to go with the bummed-out frown.

"Hey, c'mon now Lois. You said we were gonna have fun, remember?"

"Wha's fun 'bout goin' home alone all the time? They all wan' fun time with Lois but they all go away again. Nobody wants me because I'm not good enough!"

Well that was a turn up. Lois, whether or not she was aware of it, was again laying bare all her insecurities about herself. Things that obviously churned up inside her were bubbling to the surface.

"Lois, you're belligerent, you talk too much, you listen even less, and you have a tendency to act without thinking that gets you in trouble all the time."

Lois narrowed her eyes at his jibe. "Don't sugar coat it Clark, say what you really feel!"

"Those might be your bad points Lois, but on the flip side, you care about things more than just about anybody I know. You want to make your mark on the world by making it a better place."

He hesitated briefly to gauge how Lois might take that little snippet, and also for the next bit. She could be alarmed or she could laugh in his face.

"Look, I can't believe I'm saying this out loud, but you are beautiful. Of course guys are going to be interested. The right guy is out there for you. You either haven't met him yet or you've already met him and just don't know it."

"Tha's really sweet!" she gushed mockingly.

"He doesn't know what he's letting him in for, but he could do a whole lot worse than to have you in his life. Don't give up on it just yet."

He was surprised at how easily the words came to him. Lois was not normally one to require reassurance but he sensed that this was one of those times where it was necessary. She'd obviously been feeling down in the dumps recently just as he had, albeit for different reasons.

"I hope Lana realises how lucky she is to have someone like you, Smallville." This time Lois was being sincere.

Having finished and paid for their meal, Lois wanted to go back downstairs. She remembered there was a dartboard near the pool tables. The bar had slowly been emptying of punters during the evening, and there were now probably half as many people there as there had been when Lois and Clark first walked in. It was also noticeable that the music had changed from general rock tunes to more mainstream pop/R&B. Holding onto the railing, Lois slowly made her way back down as Clark once again followed.

"OK, so what's next on the itinerary?" he asked her.

"Ever played darts?"

"Lois, I have a dartboard in the barn. You've played on it!"

Lois stopped walking, almost causing Clark to walk into her. She was now babbling away about how she used to play against army cadets back at the base.

"I'd hustle those guys…top up my allowance," she started. "Imagine that, a 14 year old handing out ass whuppings to a bunch of trained soldiers!"

Clark could only shake his head. No matter how much Lois might brag about her darts throwing prowess, he had his doubts. She was finding it difficult to walk in a straight line already. To him, right in front of the dartboard was probably the safest place to stand when Lois had dart in hand.

Lois grabbed the darts off the board before sauntering back down to the mark on the oche. Clark watched her totter unsteadily as she looked up in his direction, no doubt spotting several other punters behind him somewhere. Any second now, she would issue a challenge to Clark or anybody in the vicinity to take her on in a game of darts. Another drinking game was in the offing. He went and stood beside her.

"C'mon Lois, don't you think this is a bit much?"

"What are you talking 'bout? I feel…fleel fine!" she snapped back.

"Well, can't you at least face the dartboard?" argued Clark.

"Oopsie!" laughed Lois, swivelling back. Her eyes were looking very glassy but she still kept the huge grin on her face.

Lois picked up the first dart, eyed up the board - hopefully the middle one - and lifted the dart up by her left eye to take aim. Pulling back and releasing, she watched as the dart arced its way just wide of the scoring area, piercing the number 16 to the left. She stared at the board in bafflement, wondering how she'd failed to hit the target.

"That was jus' a warm-up," she declared, causing Clark to roll his eyes. "This time, I'm-a get me a treble 20."

As with the first attempt, she began to take aim. Deciding to correct her stance mid-throw, she again released her dart. Yet again, it fell wide of the scoring area, landing about an inch to the left of her first dart. Even more bamboozled and now a tad annoyed, she narrowed her eyes at the board and stood hands on hips. She was being made to look like an idiot and was not happy about it. She huffed in indignation, gritting her teeth and scowling at the board.

"You know what?" she began to explain away the problem to nobody in particular. "It's not my aim tha's off. I'm jus' not releasing the dart with enough power!"

"Oh yeah," said Clark, laying on the sarcasm thick, " _that's_ the problem."

"Watch and learn, Smallville," she retorted smugly.

Clark stood beside her and motioned for the master to teach the student before folding his arms. He was clearly enjoying the entertainment. She'd convinced herself on where she'd gone wrong and was adamant that now she understood the issue, dealing with it would be a breeze. Taking her third dart, she stepped up to the oche once more. She stood remarkably still, squinting at the dartboard like an old West gunslinger sizing up his foe. Dart between her fingers, she raised it up to eye level and took a deep breath. Pulling back, Lois released the dart. The power behind the release forced her to stumble. Instead of a gentle arc, the dart whistled through the air before its progress was halted by a solid surface. The trouble was, the throw was even more wayward than the ones before. She was getting worse, not better.

Lois looked up at the board, trying to see where her dart had landed. Had she hit that treble 20?

"Uh, Lois?" Clark stepped over to her and pointed at where the dart had ended up. Lois saw his finger pointing up at the wall and followed its path, now seeing what he'd spotted. The dart had been thrown about 10 feet too high and about 10 feet wide of the board. It had embedded itself in the canvas painting of the Sharks' most famous player - right in the family jewels. He now looked like he was screaming in agony.

"Well that's gonna hurt in the mornin'!" she shrugged.

They heard an eruption of laughter behind them.

Lois was really starting to feel the effects of her binge now as her world began to spin. She ambled over to the couches beside the oche, slumping down. She closed her eyes to take away the room spin.

"Think I'll jus' close my eyes for a minute."

Clark moved over to sit down beside her. He was now thinking about how to get them home. It was a fair way to Smallville and neither of them would be driving. It looked as though many other people had had the same idea as the bar began to empty. It was nowhere near closing time yet, but O'Malley's on a Friday night was often an early stop off as people headed on towards where all the clubs were. Most of the people still here looked like they'd come straight from work to unwind a little.

Wendy was walking around, collecting empty glasses and wiping down tables. Spotting Clark and Lois, she came over.

"I think she's out for the count," said Wendy, looking at Lois slumped on the couch with her eyes closed.

"Yeah," Clark replied. "I think we're gonna head back soon."

"Need me to call you a cab?"

"No, I'll figure something out. Cabs will be too expensive, and we need to head back to Smallville."

"Smallville? That's pretty far. Are you sure?"

Clark had to think of a quick reply. Making his excuses, he answered. "Yeah, I know somebody who's heading there really late. We'll get a ride back from him."

"Smallville is right here," sounded a sleepy mumble from beside him. It was Lois partaking in this conversation even while half asleep. Just to emphasise the fact, she reached her hand out and patted his knee.

"We'd better go," Clark nodded to Wendy as he got back up. "How much do we owe you?"

"It's all on Lois' tab. I think she claims expenses," replied Wendy. "Well, goodnight."

With that, Wendy walked away and continued to clear up the empties from around the bar. She was a bit baffled by how Clark looked totally unaffected by the booze while Lois was totally floored, even though they'd both been drinking. _He must have a very high tolerance threshold._

"C'mon Lois, we'd better be heading back. We still have to get your stuff."

Lois began to stand up, still sleepy. All of a sudden, a huge grin started to form on her face and her eyes opened, lit up. Clark didn't understand. She moved out from beside him, stepping carefully towards a pillar just to the side of the oche. Was she going to try and play darts again? Was she going to order another round of shots? Placing a hand around the pillar, her eyes locked onto Clark's.

It was now that he realised what song was playing. The lyrics were tormenting him now just as they had all those years ago.

 _# Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?_

 _Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?_

 _Don't cha? #_

Flowing blonde locks. Skin delightfully tanned from a European summer. The skimpiest of skimpy bikinis decked out like the Stars 'N' Stripes. And that body. Oh god, _that_ body!

 _# Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?_

 _Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?_

 _Don't cha?_ #

Clark would never again be able to listen to this song without visualising Lois and her raw sexuality. It had come to him in a number of dreams for weeks afterwards, always jolting him awake as he considered the implications of such thoughts. The rest of the Windgate club and its patrons vanishing into a black void as if nothing else mattered as their eyes locked on one another. He had tried in vain to replace Lois with Lana in these dreams but it never worked. Lana was far too much of a girl-next-door whereas Lois was every bit the wild child to tease, tantalise and torment him like the girl in the song.

Right now though, it was a drunk girl in a blue shirt and black pants soft-stepping sensually around the 'pole', raising her left calf around the bottom and leaning back while holding on. Even while totally hammered and fully clothed, the raw sexuality was still there in abundance. Or was it? Lois' hand slipped from the pillar, eliciting a yelp as she tumbled onto her back in comical fashion.

"Alright _Sailor_ , let's go before our ship heads back out to sea without us."

"Sailor!" Lois repeated, giggling as if he'd said the funniest thing she'd ever heard as he stooped to help her back up.

At least the song would now bring on another image in his mind. One that he could deal with.


	4. Chucking out time

**Chucking out time.**

Lois squealed as she stumbled while making her way through the bar and back outside, almost crashing into a group of people in front of her. At some point during the evening, it had begun to rain and was pouring down now. Clark stuck close behind to make sure she didn't fall over. Lois hadn't brought a jacket so Clark did the honourable thing and removed his, draping it over Lois' shoulders. He had to help her put the jacket on properly as she was almost incapable of standing upright or manipulating her limbs, and it looked like she would either pass out or fall asleep any minute now.

"Lois, we're gonna head back to the Planet to grab your stuff, then I'll call a cab to take us home. I can't drive and _you_ definitely shouldn't be driving. Got it?"

Lois' eyes were glazed over and she didn't appear to be listening. Judging by her smile, she was in her happy place amongst the pink dancing elephants.

"Lois, did you hear what I said?" he asked, a little louder so as to be heard over the sound of the rain and the music.

Lois blinked and slowly turned to look up at Clark, lifting her hand to pat him drunkenly on the chest.

"Awww, Clarkie Boy wanna take care of lil ol' me," she slurred before putting her finger to her lips and motioning for Clark to lean closer as though she were divulging some big secret on the hush-hush.

"Don't tell him but I think he's really yummy," she whispered before giggling happily.

For his part, Clark played along, grinning and rolling his eyes. If he ever mentioned this to her, she would think he'd taken leave of his senses and say something about being able to hold her liquor. Lois in the alternate universe had been very up front about the fact she really liked him, and her comment here in the real world at least implied that Lois was consistent in what she thought, if not in what she'd be prepared to express. He'd actually had a really good time and it was only when they'd stepped outside into the downpour that Lana's current problems returned to the forefront of his thinking. Lois had delivered in taking his mind off things. He thought she was an absolute blast when drunk and uninhibited, and the funniest person he knew by a long way. He also felt like he needed to take care of her and make sure she got home safely because she was in no fit state to do so herself. As entertaining as the evening had been, she was in for a killer headache in the morning.

"Come on Lois, you can hold onto me. The sooner we get out of this rain, the sooner we can get home."

"Ah, home," sighed Lois, trying to focus her eyes on the scene around her. "Are we in Kansas?"

As Lois tottered in his grasp, the rain continued the pelt down and Clark's shirt was soaked through before they'd crossed the street. Their pace had slowed on account of Lois' diminished faculties but also because she kept stopping every so often to lift her head up and open her mouth to catch some raindrops. It looked ridiculous as her hair clung to her face. He swept it away with his fingers so she could see where she was going, or at least see those pink elephants dancing in front of her.

They entered the Daily Planet building and Clark was in two minds as to whether to use the elevator or take the stairs. On balance - well, _his_ at least - and statistically speaking, the elevator was the safest way to travel but if Lois should suddenly feel the need to puke, he stood a much better chance of getting her to the ladies room or finding a trash can in time if they were out in the open, so that meant using the stairs. By now, Lois had rested her head against his chest and was half-asleep again so Clark carefully manoeuvred the two of them down the staircase and into the empty bullpen. The proximity to her own desk seemed to stir Lois awake. Maybe there was something about the ambience of the place that triggered Lois' familiarity.

"Hey, why am I at work? Didn't I finished for today?" Her grammar had taken a real hit.

"We're just here to pick up your bag and jacket, and then we're out of here, OK?" Clark replied.

He stepped with her to the coat stand and grabbed her jacket - putting back the one she'd grabbed that didn't belong to her - before stepping back over to her desk, reaching down into the bottom drawer to lift out her bag. A quick blast of x-ray vision confirmed she still had her car keys, apartment keys and her phone. If she'd forgotten anything on her desk, it would have to wait until some other time.

"Come on sleepy head, let's go."

"I'm not sleepy, I could stay awake all night," Lois mumbled with an adamance that was betrayed by closing eyes and a massive yawn. The alcohol fumes were strong as she settled her head back into the warm dry-ish spot on Clark's chest. Her feet would now be moving independently of any conscious signals being sent by her half-pickled brain.

He had to get her home fast. Checking the coast was clear and making sure he had a good grip on Lois as well as her belongings, he paused briefly to consider what effect travelling at the speed of sound might have on an inebriated Lois. Driving was out of the question and getting a cab at this time would be ridiculously expensive, so super-speeding was the only option. The sooner he got her back, the sooner he could dry her off. In a flash, they were both gone.

They pulled up next to the back door of the Talon, with the sudden stop causing Lois' damp hair to swish wildly, and the jacket she was wearing to billow out as it caught in the breeze. She shivered against Clark. He opened the door and led her inside, knowing she'd have to warm up and dry off lest she catch a cold. Fortunately, she was still well out of it and he had just the thing to fix the problem.

Clark gently placed Lois in a corner of the coffee shop where the wall met the back of one of the seating booths. It was a convenient enough spot to keep Lois upright for the moment. Summoning up his heat vision, Clark proceeded to send waves of very warm air to dry Lois off from head to toe.

"Mmm…that is _sooo_ nice!" mumbled Lois as she smiled and put her arms around herself, basking in the sudden warmth. Her eyes were still closed, but her hair and clothes were now dry.

"C'mon, let's get you up and into bed," suggested Clark as he took hold of Lois' by the waist and led her to the staircase leading up to the apartment.

"Get me drunk then get me into bed…I ain't that kinda girl," Lois whispered sleepily in reply. Evidently, she wasn't totally switched off.

They made their way up the stairs steadily if a little noisily but just before they reached the top, Chloe had opened the door to the apartment. She had a large bag of trash which she was going to toss in the dumpster outside.

"Clark, uh…what happened?" she asked, looking at them quizzically.

"It's a long story Chloe."

"Whoa!" replied Chloe, taking in the sight of a wasted Lois who was about ready to slump on the floor. "Did she go to the mother of all parties and forget to tell me?"

Without thinking, Clark picked Lois up and crossed the threshold, only realising how that might appear to any onlooker. Chloe told him to lay Lois down on the bed while she went and tossed the trash outside. The two were all alone in the apartment for the moment.

"OK Lois, end of the line. Let's get you tucked in huh. I think you're gonna need to sleep this one off."

Clark had set Lois down in order to pull back the covers, and her eyes opened at the same time as he began to do so. His intention was simply to tuck her in before filling Chloe in on the details. Lois in her half-asleep reverie had other ideas.

Clark had momentarily let go of her to sit her down on the end of the bed while he pulled the covers halfway down. She seemed to sense that it was her bedtime so did what she might normally do in her own privacy - kicking off her shoes, she undid the belt buckle on the front of her shirt followed by the buttons remarkably quickly considering her current lack of lucidity and control, pulling it open before unzipping her pants, pulling them down to her knees as she stood back up to figure out how to get her legs out of them. Clark didn't stand a chance.

Turning back to her having felt the mattress move as she stood up, he was greeted by a sight he couldn't possibly forget in a hurry. Blue shirt unbuttoned and fully open, there was the voluptuous chest almost straining out over a black lacy bra, displaying the sort of cleavage that would make an underwear model blush. His eyes began to wander southwards, taking in the wonderfully smooth skin and toned definition of her torso, following a course down to the matching black lacy underwear that covered her promised land. He shouldn't have stared so hard or for so long - or maybe not at all - but now he'd seen it, it was he who was left in a trance-like state. Lois had a camel toe! He quickly shook his head to take charge of the situation. What was seen could not be unseen.

"Lois, you uh…you need to keep your clothes on. You don't wanna catch a cold now do you?"

"Don't…like…cold!" burbled Lois as Clark hurried back over to pull her pants back up. This was very embarrassing for him and if Lois ever found out that she'd got him to try and undress her, he would never hear the end of it. The fallout would be nuclear. She would never see it as her fault.

Despite verbally agreeing with Clark, Lois squirmed as he battled to get her re-dressed. Chloe would be back any second. Unfortunately, Lois didn't seem willing to cooperate so what followed was a battle of wills as Clark attempted to lift her pants back up and she fought to keep them in place. The net result was that Clark inadvertently ended up touching Lois' thighs, hips, the sides of her waist and even her boobs, making her squirm and giggle as it tickled her. He could not help but notice the softness of her skin and the faint trace of vanilla from whatever body lotion she used. His face slowly turned beetroot as he realised the situation he was in as for the second time in one night, he'd ended up putting his hands on her ass. Lois in her drunken state was the very definition of 'hot mess' with her bedraggled hair, her spaced out expression and her now half-nakedness. Underneath it all was something approaching physical perfection though.

 _You have a girlfriend bonehead, what the hell are you doing?_

Clark was so focussed on the current problem, he failed to notice that the bed was now behind him. Lois stumbled forward into him, causing him to collapse on the bed as she landed on top of him, straddling him just below his waist. He still had his one hand on her waistband and the other just below one of her boobs, and her free hand was on the belt of his jeans. She giggled once more - her face only about six inches from his.

Of course, this was the moment Chloe just _had_ to come back into the apartment. An audible gasp and the sound of her voice caused his eyebrows to shoot up and his head to swivel round. He looked like a red-faced teenager who'd been busted by his parents, while Chloe was stood there saucer-eyed and jaw to the floor.

"Oh my!" she'd uttered, unusually loudly but totally in keeping with her shock level.

Clark was mortified. This was so not what he'd planned, and he could only utter what a guy who'd been caught cheating on his wife or girlfriend might utter in this situation as he raised a hand, eyes pleading for understanding. His other hand was still beneath Lois' boob before he moved it away at blur speed, making her collapse onto him completely, squealing.

"It's not what it looks like!"

He shifted his weight to roll away, making Lois roll the other way towards the head of the bed. Plopping down onto the bed as her cousin and her partner-in-crime continued to stare at each other, she shivered and reached over to pull the covers about halfway up her face. A bit of fidgeting beneath the covers and she'd whipped her pants off, throwing them at the back of Clark's head before sinking down onto her plush pillow and feeling the state of bliss one feels after they hit the sack when extremely tired and in need of a good night's sleep. She was totally oblivious to the nervous atmosphere in the rest of the apartment but it didn't matter because her cosy comforter was doing its job. She let out a relaxed sigh.

It felt as though neither Clark nor Chloe had moved for several minutes when in fact it had merely been a few seconds. It was funny how things like this made time stand still. Clark broke out of his stupor first, throwing Lois' pants onto her chair - grateful that at least it wasn't her underwear - and stepping away from the bed, taking Chloe gently by the arm to talk quietly in the living room.

"She was trying to undress while I was still here. I got her to keep her clothes on, that's all," he began to explain.

"Alright. Clark, what the hell happened?"

"It's a long story and one I'd rather not discuss in front of her."

Chloe thought for a moment. "We can talk quietly can't we?"

Clark looked at her. The take-care-of-Lois mindset hadn't quite left the building and maybe she might still need something. Plus, he didn't know if she'd actually fallen asleep or not. "What if she can hear us?"

The sound of snoring coming from the bed caused them both to turn and look. Lois was out for the count. They decided to head downstairs into the Talon so they wouldn't have to talk in hushed tones.

"Alright, since that wasn't a descent into the Twilight Zone, do you mind explaining how you ended up bringing my cuz back home?"

Clark sighed. "I was at the Planet looking at research on comas. Jimmy helped set me up but I was using Lois' desk. When she came back, she saw what I was reading and wanted to cheer me up to return a favour."

Chloe looked confused by what he meant so he carried on.

"When Lois and Oliver broke up, I stopped by to see how she was doing. She was really upset and for once, she didn't hide it from me. She was grateful that I'd given her a shoulder to cry on. So when she saw how down I was over the whole Lana thing, she wanted to do something to help take my mind off it. It was her idea for us to go to a bar and drink our troubles away. It's fair to say she had more than enough for the two of us."

Chloe hadn't expected this turn of events. She'd hardly seen Lois and Clark together for a long time yet it was apparent that they were closer than before - even closer than when they lived under the same roof. They might argue and banter all the time but it was clear that they had one another's back. Clark was always somebody you could count on to have your back, but Lois being one of the few to have his was a good thing. Her unique outlook on life would certainly make him think about his own life.


	5. The morning after

**The morning after.**

Clark entered the Talon some time after 11:00 the following morning, looking pensive. Chloe was pouring coffee into a tall cup when she noticed him sidle up to the counter.

"Hey! Don't tell me Clark Kent has a hangover?"

"It's not that, Chloe. I came back from Krypton with Kara and asked her to stay at the farm. I assumed she'd be asleep when I got back and I didn't want to disturb her. Before doing my chores this morning, I found a bottle of milk smashed on the kitchen floor and when I called out, she didn't answer. She's not in the house and I can't find her anywhere. It's like she took off again without telling me."

"Oh," replied Chloe, surprised to hear that Kara had returned.

"I don't get it," continued Clark. "She seemed pleased to be back. We'd killed Brainiac and made sure the baby Kal-el managed to escape before Krypton exploded. Kara and I were safe and everything seemed alright. I can't help think I've missed something important."

Chloe put her hand over Clark's on the counter. "Clark, no offence but your cousin has always been a bit flighty. She probably just needs a bit of time to adjust to being back here on Earth. I'm sure she'll be back soon."

"I hope so Chloe. It's kinda nice to have somebody who's family around the place. Being on Krypton, I couldn't help feeling that I was losing a connection to my family and my heritage, but Kara being here meant I could at least hold on to a small piece of it."

Chloe smiled. "Just give her some time, Clark."

Clark smiled back before changing the subject. "Anyway, speaking of family, has the party animal stirred yet?"

Chloe handed Clark the coffee she'd finished pouring before grabbing a couple of muffins from the counter.

"She's still asleep. The coffee is my way to blackmail her out of bed. Lois can smell fresh coffee from miles away. Trust me, she'll wake up, though she won't be too happy about that I imagine."

"How was she?"

"Out like a light all night, though I had to turn her over to stop the snoring."

Clark felt cheered up by that so they made their way up the stairs to the apartment.

It started with turning over to one side. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind, somebody with a grudge had decided to use her skull as their own personal drum kit. Raising a hand to the side of her head, she winced at the throbbing. Gingerly, she opened her eyes, waiting for the clouds to lift so she could make sense of her surroundings. Looking this way and that, she recognised the tall mirror, the table and the tiling on the wall. She was back in her apartment above the Talon. How did she get here?

As quickly as she dared, Lois sat up in bed. She had a bad case of cotton mouth and the stench of liquor was hard not to notice. Glancing down, she realised she was still wearing the clothes she had on yesterday, but the blouse was undone. Sighing, she pulled the two ends together to provide a semblance of decency.

"Ugh!" she huffed. Another hangover in full effect.

She'd yet to notice the presence of the two smiling figures standing just outside the bedroom looking at her. The short blonde one with the sympathetic smile and the tall dark-haired one barely stifling a smirk.

"Good morning!" announced Chloe chirpily, causing Lois to look up and put her hand to her head again.

"Huh?"

"Here, we thought you might need this," said Clark, showing Lois the coffee cup in his hand. "Extra tall, extra strong, non decaf. That should help clear the cobwebs."

As she took in the soothing rich scent of the coffee, Lois glared at Clark as though he was to blame for the thumping bass rocking beneath her cranium. "Ugh!" she spluttered again.

"Uh oh, I think I forgot that fun-loving girl at the bar and brought us back a Lois," Clark teased. He couldn't resist a bit of banter.

"Leave me alone," Lois grumbled, yawning.

Chloe stepped into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Lois, Clark brought you home last night because he wasn't going to let you drive."

Clark stepped up to the other side of the bed and handed Lois the coffee. "Yeah, I missed the last bus and we came back in a cab. Don't worry, I covered the fare. After all, you were plying me with drinks all night so it was only fair. Thanks for making it a fun night Lois."

"Do you mind not talking so loud? My head is pounding," grumbled Lois.

* * *

Lois had finally decided to get out of bed and grab a shower some time after midday. The coffee had indeed got her synapses firing again, and the hot shower refreshed her tired limbs so she could face the rest of the day. Getting dressed in jeans and a tank, she tied her hair into a simple ponytail and headed downstairs into the coffee shop where Chloe was waiting. The interrogation could commence.

"So, Clark told me that you decided to take him out for the night. I must admit, that took me by surprise."

A waitress came over with their coffees and banana-blueberry muffins, so Lois waited until they had a little privacy again before answering.

"Yeah. He's been so bummed out lately with the whole Lana thing and he looked so helpless at the Planet last night. I just figured he could at least take his mind off things for a while if we went out for a few drinks. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision."

"He does tend to store things up. I'm sure he appreciates what you did for him, Lo."

"I kinda owed him a favour. When Ollie and I broke up again, Clark was there for me. I will deny it under oath before any jury in the land, but Smallville has a great shoulder to cry on. I know I can go to him if I ever have a problem but I wanted him to know he can always talk to me too."

"You guys got back after 1:00 in the morning. What exactly did you do?"

"Oh, just a few beers, some tequila, some pool and some burgers."

"For over three hours?"

"Mostly, we just talked. Some of it has been lost to the booze but I do remember talking to him about his future."

"His future?"

"Yeah. The farm, Lana, everything. I think he's selling himself short if he settles for the life of a farmer. If he did something involving public service, he might find that he likes it, you know."

Chloe understood why Lois might think that. Her cousin knew nothing of Clark's powers or his alien origins but clearly even she had the feeling that Clark was destined to make a mark on the wider world if only he could remove the shackles tying him to the farm and Smallville. Chloe noted that Lois had never pestered Clark about what he was keeping to himself, and that intrigued her. Lois was one of the nosiest people on the planet but at the same time, she never interfered in the personal lives of those she was close to. If they wanted her to know something, they would tell her on their terms. Chloe considered this to be almost the exact opposite of Lana, who outwardly kept herself to herself and wasn't the type one might think to be inquisitive like that, yet privately she pestered and pestered for the truth, or at least the version of the truth she wanted to hear. She occasionally gave off the impression that people owed it to her to tell her everything.

Thinking over what this meant brought Chloe to a startling revelation. Despite Lana knowing Clark's secret, he still struggled to be open and just be himself. He still carried the weight of the world on his shoulders even though he was protecting her _with_ her full knowledge. Lois had no idea about Clark's secret as far as Chloe was aware, yet her instincts about his having a higher calling were correct, and he always appeared to be more relaxed in her company. He could hide a part of himself without being made to feel guilty about it.

Her mind went back to a conversation with Lois at the Torch many years ago. She'd seen first hand what sort of powers Clark possessed thanks to his then-girlfriend Alicia. It had shocked Chloe to her very core that her best friend could be a meteor freak, and she'd had to re-evaluate her stance on meteor freaks being bad news. In her conversation with Lois, her cousin had surprised her by stating that if keeping a secret isn't hurting anyone, and if you care about the person with the secret, you should stay quiet until such a time as they feel ready and comfortable to let you in on it. Chloe subsequently kept her own counsel on the matter. Clark eventually did tell her all about himself, and ever since then she'd become his closest confidant. Their friendship had grown because she'd followed the Lois Lane approach rather than her own need-to-know-now modus operandi.

"Hey Chlo, you're daydreaming."

Chloe snapped out of it with a blink, sipping on her latte.

"No Lois, you're right. He needs Lana to get better first, but then they _do_ need to talk about their future. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so."

That was Lois Lane for you. Despite the outward brashness, seeming ignorance and carefree attitude, there lurked a sharp mind that understood why people needed to keep a small part of themselves to themselves, and who knew just the right words to prompts others into inward reflection, revelation and then positive action. Chloe felt that Lois was just the person to coerce Clark into using his gifts to make the world a better place, and she didn't need to know about those gifts in order to do so. If she believed somebody had it in them to raise their game, she would always do something about it.

Lois sat there daydreaming herself and had a thought. Clark had some experience as a reporter for the Torch, as well as a knack for investigating all manner of things. Could an internship at the Daily Planet open his eyes? There was no harm in asking when the time was right.

It was indeed true that killing off a few brain cells made the other ones brighter. Apart from a raging hangover, the next day could bring a clarity that might serve you well in the years ahead. Lois was glad she'd taken Clark out for drinks. She didn't know he was even more glad that they'd done so.

* * *

 **FIN.**


End file.
